An Abundance of Katherines Equation Grapher

Partner 1 Partner 2
Popularity on a scale of 1 to 1000.
Attractiveness on a scale of 0 to 5.
Dumper/Dumpee score:
On a scale of 0-1, where 0 is an extreme dumpee and 1 is an extreme dumper.
On a scale of 0-5, 0 for an extreme introvert, 5 for an extreme extrovert.

If the graph looks more like a frown (goes up then down), then partner 1 will be the dumper.
If the graph looks more like a smile (goes down then up), then partner 2 will be the dumper.
The formula also argues that the steeper the curve, the shorter the relationship in question will be.

This was inspired by (read: shamelessly stolen from) John Green's book "An Abundance of Katherines". The equation was created by Brotherhood 2.0 resident mathematician and Illinois State Representative Daniel Biss, in conjunction with John Green.